Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
