WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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