Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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