high people should be assigned attendants
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
