On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There are leaves in my underwear?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
