OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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