I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
