I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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