Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
