i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
