I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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