You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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