Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
