Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
