wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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