I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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