but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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