my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
