My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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