You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
