I puked a lego.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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