She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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