The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
