Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Four minutes until I can fart!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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