i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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