this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
