I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
