I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize