i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
