I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
