I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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