btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
