Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
