i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
