paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
