At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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