at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
