4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
