i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
