you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
