I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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