is your mom at the bar?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
