I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
