I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
