During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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