Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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