this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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