You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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