"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
