I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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