If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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