She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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