Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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