I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
