She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my being single is dangerous.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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